I'm home again after a week of Orientation for new faculty. Much of it was redundant since I'd been through part of it last year. Much of it was mind-numbingly boring, matching the butt-numbing chairs we had to sit in.
I've gotten settled into my new office and all is well there. I have a lovely view from the large window, my computer is hooked up and working properly, and eventually I'll have my belongings filling the shelves. I was able to bring in a few things, and my beloved spouse drove up with my refrigerator, lamp, and fan.
The big irritation for the week, though, is sleeping at my colleague's house. The room is nice, but she doesn't have air conditioning. I've been using a box fan that she brought into the room. That's the minor problem. The major problem is the sheets. I'm too chicken to tell her I cannot sleep on those sheets. They're awful. I've never before encountered sheets made of crackly rayon or whatever that fabric is. They appeared to be brand new and never-before-washed (in and of itself, that is a no-no for me, with my itchy skin). I tried my best to sleep on them the first night, but abandoned the plan for the subsequent nights, when I slept on top of the bedspread (also one of those cheap slippery ones) and pulled a crocheted throw over my legs. I'm going to bring my own sheets from now on. It's bad enough that the mattress is kind of hard (I'm spoiled by my memory foam mattress topper at home).
There's also a minor problem with the shower. She must be using well water. The water runs cold forever, then when it gets warm, the pressure drops substantially. It's soft water, and I have to work to rinse the soap off.
I'll be staying there again Monday night and then regularly on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights.
I checked out that new classroom (the one that got changed). It's a chemistry lab! I thought it was bad enough back at Mizzou when I had to teach in the geology building, but at least I didn't have to worry about students turning on nozzles connected to gases.
During the week I've gotten to know some of my colleagues a bit. I won't say my heart grew fonder of them (if anything, I feel as if I know whom not to trust), but as the saying goes, "Hold your friends close and your enemies closer." One of the other newbies is this woman whose nose is so brown (meant figuratively) from kissing ass that I don't trust her. Like Caesar, she is quite ambitious, and I for one don't plan to be sacrificed.
I enjoyed learning more about tenure and promotion, but I confess, it seems so unreal and somehow irrelevant that it's hard to imagine myself going through the processes. I honestly don't care whether I ever get tenure or promotion. Just leave me alone and let me teach. Still, the pressure is on, so I fear my life will once again be turned into a living hell, just like with the dissertation.
Sometimes I wonder if the combination of graduate school/dissertation and the many disappointing (crushing) job searches have permanently damaged my self-esteem. I don't feel like a highly valued member of the educational community. I can call myself DOCTOR all I want, but not once have I felt like I accomplished anything. I remember when a colleague finished grad school and got her first job. When I saw her next, I was impressed by how mature and professional she suddenly seemed. She had flourished in her new responsibilities. I continue to feel as if I should hide in the shadows, lest I be discovered to be the loser I've come to feel that I am. Maybe the good things happened to me too late. Maybe I'm still disappointed and hurt that Grand Valley didn't consider me good enough for them. Ferris is a nice school, but it's a far cry from the liberal arts schools I love. Its mission statement uses the word "career" rather prominently as a goal we should aim for: to equip our students to have a career. I guess I just don't yet feel very proud to be a Bulldog.
One other problem that I encountered was getting lost. For some reason, I cannot drive to or from Betty's house without making a wrong turn. At least I'm getting to know the town a little bit. I'm starting to wish I had a GPS in my sweet Bonnie Blue. At least Big Rapids has no "bad" neighborhoods (that I'm aware of), other than the college-student-rental ghettoes near campus. So I don't fear getting lost in a place where I'd be car-jacked.
I'm so very glad to be home. I took a long nap in my bed this afternoon, and it was heavenly. My cat is starting to forgive me for being gone. But I have another two long, tedious days next Monday and Tuesday with various College of Arts and Sciences and Department of Languages and Literature functions, and those are filling me with dread. More sitting for hours in uncomfortable chairs! Tuesday night we have the "optional" departmental potluck supper, and of course, I'm not happy about that, since it means I'll be driving home after dark. One of the things my department chair emphasized is that "being seen" by others is important to getting promoted and tenured. I don't want to be regarded as someone like my husband's colleague who is infamous for showing up just long enough to teach his classes and conduct the minimum number of office hours. Then he's outta there. But it's tempting to hide in the shadows where I feel safer.
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