Night breezes?

We wanted to sleep with the windows open again last night, but someone in the neighborhood was burning something, and all we got instead of a fresh breeze was a cloud of smoke that stank like something rubber was being burned in it. My Esteemed Spouse saw a bonfire near the pond, so I hope people are being careful about fire hazards.

I grow ever more guilt-ridden that all my big plans for the summer either have been ignored or only half finished. I've still got much work to do on the portraits I've begun, and I've just barely begun to explore the wonderful things my new sewing machine can do. I haven't even taken the new laminator out of the box, and I haven't even opened one of the new textbooks that I'll be using this fall. I haven't written that article for that book (MAJOR guilt!), and I haven't even wanted to. I'm starting to get jealous of my cousin Mary, who will retire at age 60 in February. It's not that I don't love teaching. I do. I just don't love the constant sense of being behind and unable to catch up. Maybe if I prepped my courses months in advance the way my colleagues do (some of them, anyway), I wouldn't have that sense. Face it: I am one lazy woman, especially in the summer.

My husband is bugging me. He wants to do several things today, and I'm not being energetic. I guess I ought to get a move on. One of the things I plan to do today is to go to Michael's Arts and Crafts. My beloved friend Ellie always remembers my birthday so generously, and unlike my sisters and brothers, she actually KNOWS me and has interest in my life. I don't exist for her as simply a tool. My brothers and sisters say the words, "I love you," but I don't think they really do. Their lives are so miserable and painful that they can focus only on what their current tragedy is. I don't blame them for not putting me first. Who would? Still, they continue to alienate me in so many ways because they think of me only when they need something from me. They almost never remember my birthday. They never remember my anniversary. They never remember my sons' birthdays. We don't exist until the bank won't give them a loan and they think I will.

Maybe I'll get a chance to return to blogging later, once we've run our errands. Today's picture is of me, my brother Delmer, and my sisters Sheila and Sally.