Injustices

Maybe I'm just a middle-aged female Don Quixote, tilting at windmills. I grow so very tired of the many injustices in the world. Not only am I distressed and angry about Arizona's idiocy, but even worse, about the apparent support that most of the country seems to be providing them. (Yeah, let's keep out all those illegal aliens, with their "furrin language" and their odd ways and, oh, yeah, their deep and abiding wish to work for a living without fear of harm. Let's spread constant misinformation about the "criminal elements" and "illegal immigrant crime waves.")

But that's an issue I can't do much about, except to sound off. Another issue that I hopefully CAN do something about is the issue of young people who are "different" in some way, and therefore unaccepted, even by their own parents. Let's take GL, a former student, who is gay. His father has denounced him, and he suffers constantly from fear that his dad will kick him out permanently. His own mother has abandoned him, so he has become part of my life and even calls me "mom." He is lonely, with a hole in his heart (figuratively speaking) that will never be filled. I know that sensation, the feeling that there isn't enough love in the world to fill up that empty place. More on that later.

Next there is JS, a former classmate who now lives in Alaska. (I still can't figure out why in heck anyone would want to live in Alaska, but that's a moot point.) JS is also gay, late to "come out" as a gay man. I remember JS as the most incredible human being, a fine writer, a talented artist, and a singer whose beautiful voice could melt hearts. He sang at the wedding of another classmate, and I was blown away. He just reported on Facebook that his church has kicked him out of the choir because he's gay. Yet another "open-minded" Baptist church. Sigh.

And now my niece Tassina. Tassina is "different." She's not gay, but she's even "worse"--she's gifted. I have come to the conclusion that people in this country can handle other differences far better than they can the difference of intelligence. Look at how many in the country supported George W. Bush because he was so "average." (No, he was actually below average, but that's not the argument.) Sadly, Tassina's own parents have never understood her. They love her. They are proud of her. But they just don't "get" her. She sees the world differently from the way they see it, and because the usual pattern is for parents to be wise and for their children to want to emulate them, their world is turned upside down.

I have previously described intelligence issues this way: For so-called "normal" people ("neurotypical"), life is a highway with just the right number of signs. After all, "normal" people are in the vast majority. They make most of the rules and conduct most of the business and work of the world. Thus, the world they have designed is a world that works really well for people who are mid-level.

For intellectually challenged people, i.e., "slow learners," the highway of life does not have enough signs, and sometimes that's a bad thing, but sometimes it's a good thing. They don't have as many choices, but that can actually be a stress-reliever. Any teacher who has ever witnessed the happiness that some students have when they get a grade of "C" in the course knows what I mean.

For the exceptionally bright, like Tassina, the highway of life is so chockful of signs that making a decision seems like an onerous task. Because she can learn how to do just about anything, and thus she CAN do just about anything, she bounces from one situation to another. (I've seen this happen so often with other gifted and highly intelligent people.) She's happiest when challenged. She needs a family and a world full of other intelligent people who are making the most of their abilities. That is not something she has, unfortunately. Though my brother is an intelligent man, he is not well educated. My sister-in-law is intelligent and extremely talented in many ways, but her formal education is also limited. My brother (and I know him well!) is also hampered by his stubbornness. He thinks about things for a long time (and sometimes very deeply), and he comes to a conclusion. Then he stays there, as if the effort of coming to that conclusion has exhausted him and he won't entertain other possibilities. He needs to read Ralph Waldo Emerson, who said that it was foolish to stay stuck on one opinion when new events and information clearly indicated that it was time to change that opinion. (That's not how he said it, but that's what he meant.)

Thus, my niece has been emotionally, psychologically, and even physically abused because she is "different." I know about that kind of difference because I felt it myself, to a lesser degree. It may have been a blessing in disguise that my mother's alcoholism sucked up the family's emotional energy, but I credit my father's respect for education with my reasonably good adaptation to being different from my family. I'm not saying that others in my family aren't smart. They are. I am not "smarter" than my siblings. I'm just better educated. Far, far better educated. I've also been fortunate in my choice of spouse. My husband makes me a better person. He helps me to reach beyond, to achieve more, to be a better person in every way. I did not marry him to escape my family. Going to college away from home helped me to escape from the bonds of my family's limitations. Being fortunate enough to meet some people who impressed me tremendously with their broad vision and tolerance--that made a huge difference. Still, marriage to my intellectual equal has resulted in my complete transformation into a woman who is no longer a real "sibling" to my sisters and brothers, sadly. They don't "get" me, so they distrust me and assume that I have self-centered motives with everything I do. We see in others what we are capable of within ourselves, perhaps. That can be a positive or a negative.

Today is Tassina's 30th birthday. She's still a very young woman (half my age!), and she still has a lot of options open to her. My greatest fear for her is that she'll deliberately limit herself, to try to be as "normal" (i.e., average, mediocre) as possible in order to be accepted and loved by her family. That would be a shame, on one hand, because she has the kind of mind that could make the world a better place. But I can understand the lure of "fitting in" (go along to get along) because it is so much easier to be simply "average." No boats are rocked. No windmills are jousted. People don't stay angry with you because you are different.

I had intended to include my younger son in this list, but I think I'll stop here.