My dean, Reinhold Hill, who was once my classmate at University of Missouri, stopped by my office today to tell me he has accepted a position elsewhere. His wife and oldest daughter will stay here for another year so the daughter can finish high school. I'll be sorry to see him go. Reinhold is a good person, and so is his wife Nell. I'm glad Nell will remain behind for a year, but sorry the family will be leaving. Nell has been a good friend. Her office is just a door or two down the hall, so we see each other often.
Reinhold is young enough to still have ambition. I have NO ambition. I just want to do what I want to do, and I don't much care if anyone doesn't like it. Apparently others feel the same. One of my colleagues, a man about my age, has been expressing his own burn-out feelings on Facebook lately. How well I understand and sympathize. It's kind of pathetic that I keep hoping we'll win the lottery so I can retire. Robert probably feels exactly the same way. People just don't understand what teaching is like. I feel foolish complaining since this is all I've ever wanted to do, and when people like Ellie are coping with horrendous challenges teaching high school. But a 4/4 schedule of writing classes, plus committee work, service to the community, service to the university, etc., just winds up being more than I can cope with, especially if I still want to have a life or time for me. The older I get, the more I become self-centered. If this is the only life I have (and I believe without doubt that there is no heaven or life after death), then some part of it should belong to me. I do NOT want to die on the job. If I must die (and apparently, I must), let it be with an ongoing art project on my lap.
No comments:
Post a Comment