People I love who do things I hate

I hate chain letters of any kind, type, or variety. Hate 'em, hate 'em, hate 'em. I hate them irrationally, to the point of wanting to yell, scream, curse, and strike blows. I hate the kind where money is involved, but most of all, I hate the kind where guilt is involved. Most of my friends have learned this unpleasant fact of my nature, and so they no longer send me "Pass this on to 50 others" emails. However, I have one dear friend who does not know this about me, and I haven't told her, mainly because she is a loving and gentle soul who has been stomped on by life. It would be unkind to respond to her with my usual rant. I fear, though, that soon I must find a way to let her know that I don't like them. I've tried simply not responding, and that hasn't slowed her down. I still get one or two every few days from her.

It probably would take intensive therapy to find out why I hate chain letters as much as I do. I could be rational and talk about wasted time, but if I really hated wasting time, I wouldn't waste as much of it as I do, with no discomfort whatsoever. I think it's more the sense of someone else trying to control me. I cannot bear being manipulated by others. My mother was a master of manipulation, and I couldn't fight her, so I had to endure it, with the resentment smoldering in me like a fire underground. I also hated the religious manipulation that seemed to control the actions of most of the people I knew. BG, for example, my good high school friend, was a bright, attractive girl who never wore make-up, shaved her legs or underarms, or listened to rock and roll music--because her church told her those actions were sinful. She used to call me "Jezebel" if I wore eye makeup. I loved her and respected her, but when she refused to go to pep rallies or read literature, wouldn't watch television or go to movies, and began to insist that I too behave as she did, I knew that she was trying to manipulate me as her church manipulated her.

It would take an encyclopedia to list the other ways that I've seen religion control and manipulate people in what seemed to be harmful rather than helpful ways, but that's not the point. The point is that I don't like for someone to insist that I prove my friendship, generosity, kindness, whatever, by doing nonsensical activities that serve only to irritate others. If I am your friend, I will be loyal to you. I will be kind to you. I will forgive you your faults and help you celebrate your successes. I will do virtually anything within my power for you--except forward another damned chain letter. That, I won't do. It's against my religion. Dr. S.