Depressing day

I cried a bit earlier, thinking of Mama. Today is the anniversary of her death 18 years ago. Usually I don't miss her much, but today, probably because I'm snowed in, with a thousand papers to grade, and feeling lonely, I can't help thinking about her and wishing we'd had time. Of course, more time would not have "fixed" everything since the childhood I wish I'd had would not have miraculously appeared. Recently I read about a chemical way to have memories erased; I'd rather have them replaced. Wouldn't it be great to replace memories of poverty, abuse, and despair with memories of sufficient money, food, clothing, shelter, memories of hugs and "I love you's" exchanged among my family, memories of happiness and contentment? But then I would not be "me," as my students would say. Would that be so bad?

Cutting back on the Prozac (my choice, seconded by my doctor) has resulted in my teetering on the edge of depression often lately, but not as much as I'd feared. What I'm noticing more is that I am just super-cranky and old-lady-opinionated. It's resulted in my saying things to people that they have not liked. I've had one student fuss because of my attitude about religion. I've had another who wanted to know what my personal relationship with Jesus was. I answered a diversity questionnaire about various elements that affect us as faculty (discrimination types of things) and fussed at them for asking a question like "What is your religion?" as if EVERYONE had a religion. Atheism is not a religion. Atheism is the rational, reasonable, scientific approach to life that simply notes that deities are created by human beings, not the reverse.

Speaking of religion, Ellie is excited about her trip to Italy. I would be, too. However, I'd be interested in art, food, and culture. She's going with her family to have an audience with the Pope. If I were ever to visit Italy, that particular stop would be last on my list. I've never been especially interested in any of the popes, but this one is a weirdo. He looks like he's been dead for at least a month already, and his "permission" of condom use for gay men is almost laughable in its message. It does cement one thing, though: a live gay man is more important to the Catholic Church than a dead AIDS-infected woman.

Our snow storm has resulted in people in the church next door having trouble getting in and out of the snow-filled parking lot. I hear a car right now that is clearly skidding, slipping, crunching, and maneuvering.

I've had fun exploring my new Kindle. Too much fun. I haven't graded a paper today at all. It's amazing the things that one can do with this little device. We'll have to get a separate one for my husband. We really cannot share this Kindle.