The Incredible Hulk has nothing on my husband. Fans will recall Bill Bixby's ominous murmur, "You won't like me when I'm angry." People who think of my spouse as a quiet, gentlemanly, well-behaved Walter Mitty-type won't like him when he's angry, either.
The EverDry folks are giving us the runaround on their promised "12 months same as cash" plan for financing (the job will cost nearly $20,000), so my husband has cancelled and asked for his deposit to be returned (that was nearly $2000). They're sending Mr. Talkalot back out at 10 this morning to try to persuade us to reconsider. Little do they know, it was this man's gabbiness and glibness that turned the Esteemed One against the company to begin with. I know my husband well. He can be persuaded if he's already in favor of something, but if the other side doesn't play fair, so to speak, he will become the Hulk. He's not violent, not destructive, and of course, he doesn't turn green. But suddenly those blue eyes are icebergs, and the other side, whoever that unfortunate person happens to be, realizes that my husband is a most formidable opponent. I used to describe him as a big ball of chocolate-coating around a steel core. The outside is sweet and soft, but that outside isn't that deep. The steel at the core is who the man truly is. He has an intense sense of right and wrong and fair and unfair. He treats people right and expects to be treated right. When he isn't, well, "you won't like him when he's angry." He's about as unmoveable as the Rock of Gibraltar. I've seen him in the throes of negotiation for a new car. If what the dealership proposes isn't to his liking, he stands to his full height (6'4"), collects his belongings, politely says, "Sorry, I guess we won't be doing business," and he's headed to the door. Always, the salesperson is the one chasing him, asking, "What can we do to make this deal?" Most of the time, he gets the deal the way he wants it, not the way the dealership wants it. I have no doubt at all that he'll handle this EverDry fast-talker in similar fashion.
I honestly wish I could do that. Of course, when I stand, draw myself up to my full height of 5'4", no one is impressed or intimidated. I'm a patsy, an impulse buyer, not a good negotiator. In addition, I'm too prone to want people to like me. After all, the only way to survive childhood with an alcoholic mother is to become a people-pleaser. I've asked myself, "What's the worst that could happen if someone doesn't like me?" and the answer is always, "Not a lot would happen." But in childhood, if we made Mama angry, our lives would become living hell. Mama was not above making other people's lives hell in order to punish one person, so we had to deal not only with our own punishments but also with the torture we saw our siblings and father enduring. That feeling accompanies each interaction I have with others, so in the face of authority figures, I become a toady, and I hate that. It takes all I have to stand up for myself, and usually it doesn't happen until I've been thoroughly backed into a corner with no way out.
I really must work on assertiveness, especially now that I'm going to be a full-time employee. Usually if someone asks, "Will you?" I'm saying "yes" before they even finish their question. I've got to learn to say "No" eventually. I've got to get in touch with my inner Incredible Hulk. S.
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