We've had wild weather this week, and driving to work has been hellish. My knuckles are still sore from clutching the steering wheel! I hate to drive to start with, but driving in the dark, while it's raining, where there's road construction and heavy traffic, and in a car that doesn't seem to defrost its windows effectively--well, suffice it to say, by the time I got to work, I was already exhausted. Then that afternoon, the sun was shining, but the wind was howling, and to keep control of the car, I had to fight the sudden gusts that threatened to blow me into the other lane of traffic.
I had conferences with students this week. It was, shall we say, enlightening. Not counting the students who had active cases of strep throat and who were sneezing, coughing, and nose blowing, I had students with every kind of stress possible happening--alcoholic relatives, abusive boyfriends, divorces pending, and no telling what things they didn't share. However, since I believe in "holistic teaching," teaching the whole person, I feel it's important to listen to what's happening in their lives because without doubt, their lives affect their writing.
I do have one student who is causing me concern of a different kind. I suspect that he's only barely literate. He's one of the football players, and his high school education was from a poverty-stricken school in Detroit. He's either trying really hard to polish my apple, or else he's genuinely taken to me, because he wants to hug me. He first hugged me last Thursday as he was getting ready to leave class. Then when he came for his conference, he hugged me AND kissed me on the cheek! I'm not hearing any warning bells--I don't think he is trying to sexually impose himself upon me--but I do worry that he's presuming that his personal charm will help his grade. As it is, he's already talked one of the (female) students in class into typing (and semi-writing) one of his essays for him.
Sometimes I get perhaps too pragmatic about students like this one. They are not really prepared for the level of college academics they've fallen into. All they know is sports. All they really care about is sports. They aren't going to do much with the "education" they are presumably getting. So sometimes I wonder why I should try so hard to get them to learn something from me. Why not just let them slide (the way their high school teachers did)? I guess the answer is that I have this mothering urge that means I want them to fly on their own two wings.
Another of my football players is a sweet kid who just went on and on about how wonderful and different I am as a teacher because I care individually about my students. Am I that different? When I talk with my colleagues, I don't feel that I am. They seem to care, too. Maybe it's just a matter of perception. Whose, though, I couldn't say.
I'm still not decided about whether I'm going to apply for the TT position at my former school, or wait to see if any of the TT positions that my new department head spoke of will actually come about. We had a faculty meeting Thursday, and she spoke of several positions opening up in the near future. The faculty there seem to be on the geriatric side, especially compared to the faculty back at the previous school. (I don't know why I'm being so tactful about mentioning school and faculty names--maybe because I don't want anything to come back and bite me later on.) The drive to the new school is longer than the one to the previous school, but it's a more pleasant drive in some ways. (And so far, my new boss has kindly not stuck me with 8 o'clock classes! My previous dept. chair had me on the 8 a.m. schedule for 5 of the 6 semesters I taught there.)
Indecision. I'm tired of making decisions. I'm so used to not getting what I want that the whole idea of making a decision that actually turns out the way I want it to has just become a matter of frustration. I try to make logical, rational decisions based on the knowledge at hand, yet other people don't seem to evaluate logic in the same way I do. Maybe I'm just too weird. Or maybe they are. Who knows.
My wedding anniversary is this coming Tuesday. We've been married for 36 years. More about that at another time. --Dr. S.
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